Paradox - Life is a mystery, don't waste time trying to figure it out

Humor - Keep a sense of humor, especially about yourself. It is a strength beyond all measure.

Change - Know that nothing stays the same

BEAUTIFUL DISASTER
Kelly Clarkson

He drowns in his dreams
An exquisite extreme, I know
He's as damned as he seems
And more heaven than a heart could hold
And if I tried to save him
My whole world could cave in
It just ain't right, it just ain't right


Oh and I don't know
I don't know what he's after
But he's so beautiful
Such a beautiful disaster
And if I could hold on
Through the tears and the laughter
Would it be beautiful?
Or just a beautiful disaster?


He's magic and myth
As strong as what I believe
A tragedy with
More damage than a soul should see
And do I try to change him?
So hard not to blame him
Hold on tight, hold on tight


Oh 'cause I don't know...
I don't know what he's after
But he's so beautiful
Such a beautiful disaster
And if I could hold on
Through the tears and the laughter
Would it be beautiful?
Or just a beautiful disaster?


I'm longing for love and the logical
But he's only happy hysterical
I'm waitin' for some kind of miracle
Waiting so long,
So long


He's soft to the touch
But frayed at the end he breaks
He's never enough
And still he's more than I can take


Oh 'cause I don't know
I don't know what he's after
But he's so beautiful
Such a beautiful disaster
And if I could hold on
Through the tears and the laughter
Would it be beautiful?
Or just a beautiful disaster?


He's beautiful
Such a beautiful disaster


Beautiful
Beautiful disaster

Best Valentine's Day ever. :)

Roses in a nice vase, a teddy bear, a cute/sweet card, 2 rings and dinner.

can we say wow?

not to mention the special treatment.

I've never felt this wanted and appreciated on a Valentine's Day before.

But I have to run off to work. I'm hoping they have good news for me...and soon...

I'm stressed and trying hard to just let it all go. things are going to happen as they happen and it's been my experience that, while it may not always be with the timing I like, things always work out for me, so I just need to calm down and let things happen.

Last night was fun. Videogames and drinking makes for interesting times. Think I'm going to go back home and play more video games. After playing drunk, I should feel like I'm actually halfway skilled sober. Heh.

Had something happen last night that rarely happens to me. I got sad/depressed/upset drunk. Not at first, mind you. I had a really good time for a while. But when the videogames were turned off and I had time to think too much, I started thinking about things I need to just let go. I can't change my past and I can't change other people. I can't change how I've been treated by various people. I can only face the present and the future. But when you're drunk, it's kinda hard to realize that. But at least I had someone to take care of me and tell me how stupid I was being (in nicer words) and help me relax and stop worrying so much about stuff that I certainly didn't need to be thinking about while intoxicated. I honestly don't even remember what started the line of thought, but *shrug* I guess it's something I need to keep trying to figure out how to deal with.

Anyway...today is a pretty good day. I just spent money on iTunes, which is stupid because you can only use the music with iTunes and blah blah blah, but oh well. I got some songs I wanted. I'm going to go back home and get some Chicken Tortilla Soup cooking and get a certain someone's birthday present together. Then I'll probably play games or watch a movie. Whee.

Better than focusing on the confusion I felt when I woke up this morning after the not-so-pleasant thoughts I'd been having last night...amongst other confusing thoughts...

I found my camera. It was in a 'stupid place' like I expected. It was in a pocket in my backpack. I'm so relieved. So if I ever take the time to get the pictures off of it, I will have pics from Flag. And at some point, I'll get pics of my car as well. But that probably won't happen until at least Monday because I'm tired and working OT. And OT wears me out and makes me not want to do anything.

Went to dinner and a movie last night. Dinner was at Native New Yorker. The wings were pretty good and my sandwich wasn't bad. Went and saw Epic Movie. It was really dumb, but I laughed. Was home by 9, but I still don't feel like I got enough sleep. Of course, I didn't go to sleep as soon as I got home, but who really does go straight to bed when they get home at night? I should have though. This whole getting up at 4am thing can wear you out a bit.

No real plans for the weekend. I have to work 10 hours tomorrow and probably won't want to do anything after work. I know it's the SuperBowl and all that, but I really don't care. I think I want to go home and just crash. We'll see though. I may feel differently tomorrow. I'm not even sure what all is going on.

This is the first real evening I've had to myself in around a month. Not that that is necessarily a bad thing. I've had a pretty decent month.

But it's nice to just sit here and relax and be calm and let go of everything.

It's been a pretty good week so far. I got my car and I'm starting to get used to it. It's not near as frustrating as I expected or as I was told it would be. I've been doing really well with it. It helps that I have someone giving me good tips and tricks and being very positive and encouraging through the whole thing.

I still can't find my camera and this is really starting to bother me. He says he doesn't think it's at his place, but I certainly can't seem to find it at mine. This makes me very unhappy. :( It doesn't help that there are some particular pictures on that memory card that I would really like to have. *sigh*

Well, I think I'm going to go crawl in a comfy bed and put a movie on the laptop and just relax alone. It's early, but I may let myself fall asleep at any point between now and 'bedtime'. I have a long weekend ahead of me. 3 ten hour days, which means 14 hours of OT. I need it.

Time to relax.

Things have been getting better and better.

I'm still not entirely settled in my new apt, but I don't really care. I'm moving out on April 6th anyway, so why bother trying to get too settled?

( blah blah blah )

Well, I'm taking up someone else's computer, so I better run. I'm tired anyway and have to go into work at 5am, so yeah. I should get some rest or something...

I'm moved now! Just a couple things left to grab that I accidentally left (or dishes that were dirty).

I LOVE my new apt. And I like my neighbor pretty well too. Helps that he's my best friend. :)

Going up north today. Gonna be fun. Will have 2 cameras, so hopefully I'll get some nice pics of the snow.

I'm trying really hard to keep everything together and not turn into a total wreck, but it's getting harder. I've been stressed out for the last 6 months and this past month has been even worse. My credit got screwed up due to no fault of my own and I'm having to get that fixed, work is going well, but it's still stressful, I spent Christmas day completely alone and while it was nice to talk to my family, it only reminded me how much fun they were having without me. Then I get dumped the night after Christmas and that's been one huge stress factor after another. Now I have to sell my car and I've only even driven it once. And not REALLY driven it at that. I knew I'd have to, but I didn't want to admit it.

I'm so frustrated and hurt and stressed and I'm trying so hard to just push it all down out of the way. The easiest thing is to get frustrated. But I don't want to take it out on anyone. The easiest person to take it out on is him because of the breakup. I don't really want to hurt him and I don't really want to take anything out on him, but it's getting really hard to keep my mouth shut. Most of the stuff I'm frustrated about is completely not his fault.

*sigh*

Things are going to get easier. I know they will. But right now really sucks.